The big sister of the Turtadillo coffee table, looking all grown-up and too-cool-for-school. Except that she’s not. She’s totally approachable and down-to-earth, you’re just too scared to go up and talk to her cause she’s so frickin hot. Well, don’t blame her for that. If you’re gonna blame anyone, blame us.

Still not sure? $775 for a 4-top and $975 for a 6-top. That’s right. And just because she’s inexpensive doesn’t mean she’s cheap. Funny how quickly the tables turn! First you’re thinking she’s out of your league and now you think she’s cheap? What’s wrong with you? No worries, though, she’s tough. She can take it. Lightweight and strong, with a dancer’s legs, those cute blue tool dip booties and that pretty yellow skin all over. It’s a phenolic resin, designed for forming concrete but also used in fancy countertops, and it’s super hardy and water-resistant. And like you—or at least how you hope to be—she’ll age gracefully, warming and darkening slightly over the years. But with a figure like this she’ll always be beautiful.

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