What the hell is this thing supposed to be? A fair enough question, though perhaps a little rude. Still, you’re not the first one to ask us so we’re not all that surprised (still, your tone!). The short answer: it’s a side table, shaped vaguely like a penguin, or so the fools around here who are in charge of naming products after animals thought. And with that powder-coated steel beak and those feet protruding all penguin-like you really can’t quibble with them.

The long answer is, well, too long for the little space the powers-that-be allocated for this marketing blather. Let’s just say that you can put your icy (or piping-hot) drink and a lamp and maybe a tchotchke or two on its head. And as for your fancy design magazines (or atlases or comic books or whatever your keep around to look at while sipping a beverage at the temperature of your choice)? Tuck those into its body. Or go buck wild and keep it at your bedside, though in that case we’d really rather not know what you put in there. You pervy bastard.

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